Exclusive: Press Release for Elon Musk’s New Venture!
Elon’s generosity takes on new meaning!
The Freedom Press Liberty Times Second Amendment Tribune Sun is always on the look out for you, and your liberty! Which is why when we saw this story — and yes, it’s a real story — about Elon Musk offering his sperm to people, we thought: what a great idea! Elon, if you’re reading this, just know in exchange for your infusion of cash, we would be happy to call your father and tell him at least two reasons why he should finally love you. Or one. Well, at least one.
We were able to obtain the press release that his new company, Sperm-X, will be disseminating upon their grand opening. We are honored to share this with you in hopes of Elon’s sperm going far and wide!
MUSK SPERM-X (Copywright X industries, or some other dumbass shit) Press Release Upon Opening for Business
Hello White Women!
If you are reading this, you are in need of sperm.
I don’t need to be Adam Smith to know there’s a supply and demand thing happening here. You have a uterus, your whole reason for being, and we have some of the world’s premier Oligarch sperm. It is only the finest porcelain, the “sticky icky”, as it were.
This sperm is not just any sperm. This sperm is so elite, it doesn’t look other, less, non-Oligarchic sperm in the eye. So if you’ve been with another man… well, if it’s not your husband, you should just stop reading this. Also, why aren’t you married? And even if you are, does your husband have glistening porcelain sperm like this? I highly doubt it. When this sperm gets inside of you, it will subjugate all the proletariat sperm left over, making sure they do not form a union.
Please stop by the website below to order your very own Oligarch sperm. Or, if you would like to visit the source, provided inside this press release is the flyer for our X Compound, where you can come here and raise children and when you’re done raising children, we’ll probably shoot you, or something.
Signed,
Xylllghs
28th Child of Elon Musk, Founder of Sperm-X, Divine Leader of X Compound
NOTE: The Freedom Press Liberty Times Second Amendment Tribune Sun is an attempt at satire which, at the time of this writing, is still legal.
“we’ll probably shoot you, or something.” 😂😂😂😂